Monday, January 28, 2008

Dishes, laundry, dinner, bedtime, REPEAT

Doug and I have been having an ongoing conversation over his concern of his perception of my disdain of being a SAHM. (If you can get through that sentence, congratulations!) I've been trying to explain to him that I don't hate being a SAHM however, sometimes the monotony of it all sometimes leaves me wanting more.

He is astonished that I seem surprised by the question, "What's for dinner?" I'm trying to explain to him that I'm not surprised by the question rather, the question drains me. I know that I have to provide dinner and lunch and breakfast every day, it's just that it is difficult to continue to find new items for the menu and even harder to actually keep the food in the house.

Although having a clean house is very satisfying, actually cleaning the house is not. In fact, I don't mind cleaning too much, but the fact that after I do it everyone drops all their stuff everywhere with no regard for my work is disheartening. Even harder to deal with is cleaning the kitchen only to have it messed up again and again and again and again.

In fact, my biggest complaint with housework in general, is the general nature of "unending-ness" that seems to accompany it. The laundry is never done, the dishes never clean, the fridge always empty and the kitchen always dirty.

I don't hate being a SAHM. In fact, I consider it an enormous privilege and luxury. I realize that I am being given an enormous gift. Even with my full understanding of the life of privilege that I've been given, I still tend to lose my zeal with the monotony of the job. Sometimes I do long for a job that will pay me actual cash or give me achievement awards or have a task that I can see from start to finish. I'm confident that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also confident that my life will not always look the way it does right now and that some day I will have other problems. But right now, in the middle of January, I do find myself dreaming of leaving the house, earning some spending money and then coming back home to loads of unending laundry and an empty pantry.


Jen said...

Preachin' to the choir. Yep. What you said.

amanda said...

Amen and Amen...

mommy to an angel said...

I feel like this with one, I can only imagine what it feels like with 4 - and add the husband in there too - I feel like I pick up after him just as much as I do Olivia! Do you ever wake up in the morning and silently cry to yourself, "oh, no, I have to do it all over again today..." Like you, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a SAHM, but sometimes it feels like everything you do just gets undone!

Carol said...

oh yes! that's why I go through bouts of not cleaning the bathroom for a couple of weeks, because the rim is peed on moments after cleaning it and the toothpaste globs are in the sink within the hour and the spatter of water is dripping down the mirror. oh the joys! Still gotta love it... and them!

Heaven Sent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heaven Sent said...

The answer is...don't clean! :)

Just kidding. I totally know what you mean. Even though I work out of our home, I often find myself having a love/hate relationship with the whole SAHM thing. It's hard work and it is draining. I can only imagine what it would be like with four kids!

Hang in there and go get a pedicure. You deserve it!

Melissa :) said...

Life is like a broken record...

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