Doug and I have been having an ongoing conversation over his concern of his perception of my disdain of being a SAHM. (If you can get through that sentence, congratulations!) I've been trying to explain to him that I don't hate being a SAHM however, sometimes the monotony of it all sometimes leaves me wanting more.
He is astonished that I seem surprised by the question, "What's for dinner?" I'm trying to explain to him that I'm not surprised by the question rather, the question drains me. I know that I have to provide dinner and lunch and breakfast every day, it's just that it is difficult to continue to find new items for the menu and even harder to actually keep the food in the house.
Although having a clean house is very satisfying, actually cleaning the house is not. In fact, I don't mind cleaning too much, but the fact that after I do it everyone drops all their stuff everywhere with no regard for my work is disheartening. Even harder to deal with is cleaning the kitchen only to have it messed up again and again and again and again.
In fact, my biggest complaint with housework in general, is the general nature of "unending-ness" that seems to accompany it. The laundry is never done, the dishes never clean, the fridge always empty and the kitchen always dirty.
I don't hate being a SAHM. In fact, I consider it an enormous privilege and luxury. I realize that I am being given an enormous gift. Even with my full understanding of the life of privilege that I've been given, I still tend to lose my zeal with the monotony of the job. Sometimes I do long for a job that will pay me actual cash or give me achievement awards or have a task that I can see from start to finish. I'm confident that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also confident that my life will not always look the way it does right now and that some day I will have other problems. But right now, in the middle of January, I do find myself dreaming of leaving the house, earning some spending money and then coming back home to loads of unending laundry and an empty pantry.