Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Being who you were created to be

I just finished the most exhausting weekend of the year. I'm sore, tired, spent and so thankful to have had the opportunity to stretch myself to limits I didn't think possible.

A few years ago, after a long, hurtful and discouraging fight I was placed in a role at our church that has turned out to be a true source of joy for me. I was, by omission, made the director of our choir program. Even though I wasn't a music teacher, didn't have a degree, didn't play the piano and had never really done this job before, God decided that I should take on this responsibility. I had no idea what I was doing except that I had sung in many choirs. I didn't know how to find music, how to run a practice, how to really read music or anything else that goes along with this job...but none of that mattered. In order to take this job, I had to give up the one thing I thought made me the happiest in the world; I had to give up singing. I exchanged singing for silence, being in front of an audience to turning my back on them, something I knew well for something I knew nothing about. None of it made sense and if conventional wisdom would have prevailed I simply would have said, "no." But, I didn't. I took the job.

I struggled through it, I still struggle through it...but the choir was gracious and encouraging. They continued to show up, they continued to work, they continued to trust me even when I didn't trust myself. They followed where ever I led them; although I have no idea why. The choir pitched in, they gave their ideas, they helped me and they helped each other. If I think about it, we all had been hurt, we were all licking our wounds, we were all gun shy, but together we kept our eyes on the Lord and continued to do what we loved, worship him in the only way we knew how, through music.

And now here I am, at the end of the most exhausting weekend of the year. Looking back on a wonderful weekend of services filled with great, difficult, Christmas music. Together we praised the Lord the best we knew how... I praised the Lord the best I knew how... and I wasn't singing... I wasn't making a single sound. I was directing a group of dedicated brothers and sisters, encouraging them to do their best, banging out a rhythm that helped them stay together. This has me speechless. I love this job more than any other... Thank you Father, for creating in me a love for something I knew nothing about. Thank you Father, for having faith in me and not letting me take the easy way out. I heard the angels singing... I did...but I didn't expect it... Shocking!


Jen said...

Hmmm. . . maybe I'm supposed to be IN your choir! LOL Glad to hear it was a good experience for you.

i am not said...

Awesome - everything about it!

Melissa said...

Another amazing post. Stepping out of our comfort zone - something I am so not good at. :)