I'm getting to the end of the book I've been using for the past 3 months for my prayer/devotion time. This is always a bitter sweet time for me. Mostly, because by the time I get to the end of a book, I'm so familiar with a writer's thoughts that the last few chapters are almost always the most significant and challenging for me personally. However, because I've been with this writer for so long, the thought of getting to know someone else is daunting. And it's often a struggle to keep this "getting to know you" phase from tempting me to stay in bed.
However, I'm not done yet...just not looking forward to actually turning the page and finding the end. So, today I read about really understanding God and His intentions. This is a huge concept but today it's reduced to something really simple and incredibly convicting... I have a problem or a need or see someone in need....I pray and ask God about it... I get a glimpse of what I think God might be up to and then I fill in the blank and take the ball and run with it...never stopping to see or hear if this is really God's intention or simply mine. In my rush to "do" God's will I leave God behind. And only after I've "done" something do I take the time to consider if that was God's will. I tend to follow my "hunches" and then fast forward through to the end. I guess the way I watch TV is somewhat similar to the way I live my life.
Really listening for God and truly waiting to hear from Him takes patience and quietness. Not two of my strongest attributes. I'm learning that God doesn't always write me a letter but rather leaves me clues to follow and search out. And that taking the time to do the work is more fulfilling than filling in the blanks and pushing fast forward. I'm learning to listen...learning to ask, "God what do you want me to do here? What do you want me to see or hear? What do I need to repent of? What do I need to confront?"
I'm also really wondering about the effect of spiritual warfare in my life and in the world around me. I'm starting to learn to ask God what is going on, when I don't understand the way people are acting or don't understand why I'm feeling the way I do. I love this adventure of getting to know God and Jesus and the Bible....I love it when it seems as if the veil is lifted from my eyes and suddenly I'm given the opportunity to see things ...things that have always been around me but I never had eyes to see them. Life with Jesus is amazing... pursuing Jesus is thrilling... surrendering is freeing...
The book I've been reading is called Walking with God by John Eldredge He's been a good teacher, I know this because I'm able to walk with God more freely now than ever before. It's amazing how when you start to learn "how" it gets easier. I think someday I might write my own book about this, piecing together all the things I've learned from all the authors I've read. But for now, I'm looking for another spiritual teacher to guide me through my mornings...and as I've mentioned before, I'm not too fond of this process. ~Christine
3 comments:
Hey christine,
I'm new to your blog, but just wanted to drop a note...I can relate to what you are saying; however, I can relate from the OTHER side. You see, I tend to be a parked car. I wait. And wait. I have become so gun shy from stepping out before REALLY checking with God that now I wait. And as I'm always reminded...God doesn't use a parked car.
My 20 year old daughter reminded me of this a while ago when she stepped out and made a big decision in her life, only to discover that it wasn't what God really wanted her to do at the time. Later God brought it all about, but you know what she told me about the whole experience? "Well Mom, at least when I stepped out, I REALLY heard God's voice telling me to wait! and at least I was doing something, attempting to do something..." Hmmmm. I don't know if that means much to you, but it does to me. So remember to not park your car.
On another note, I'm sure that you have already read it, but if not it is worth checking out; Captivated. Good read. Cheers.
Kelly
Pssshhh!!!That's funny that you liked the poem. There is a story there. Would love to share it, but am afraid that it would come across as VERY irreverent!!!! Some things are better described in a poem....
You are such an inspiration. thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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