"What are your goals?" It seemed like a harmless question. One I would have been able to answer 12 years ago at any job interview. My goals were to graduate, to get married, to get a job, find an apartment, keep the car running, pay the bills and have fun.
As I've gotten older my goals have gotten fuzzier. They seem to have blended into my family; so that my goals are no longer mine but my goals for my husband and family. My wishes have faded away into the background somewhere.
I know this is so typical of a stay at home mom, but I hate being typical! I've been asking myself, "what do you want...what do you really want?" Unfortunately, a lot of the answers to this question seem to focus on material things. I don't like that about myself either. I know that material things don't bring happiness, I know this first hand. Yet, I still think "I really want a couch or new porch furniture, a new car and so on. When I examine these answers I really think they are cop outs. It easier to come up with material things than to examine myself and reach deeper.
I find it easier to write goals for my husband, children and friends than to write them for myself? Why? Don't I know myself better than anyone else? Am I brave enough to look deeper and define my personal goals?? Am I brave enough to act on them?
Do you know what I mean?
5 comments:
good thought, christine. but i think your goals blending into your family might be specific goals for yourself, also. in that sense, your goals are being the kind of wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc. that helps your husband and family reach their goals. the person that you are and everything you do affects your family and those around you.
wow, this is a scary thought when i think of it in the context of my family. crap, why can't we stay kids forever with our biggest goal being to get past 5 minutes on those stupid minute math tests in school?
You've put words to one of my biggest frustrations and fears in being a SAHM - losing sight of myself as an individual. I think that we naturally start blending our goals because our family is our full time job. However, I want to be me - an individual, with individual goals. I'm here with you on trying to figure out what I want. I find the line is getting blurrier and blurrier with each child, but I'm hoping that within a couple of years it will get better - it is so busy and hard to focus on myself right now with the little kids. I just hope that by the time I have time to focus on being an individual I haven't lost myself to being a "mommy".
All my goals seem to be put off for the short-term. "Til I finish the move. Til Greta is walking. Til Amelia is potty trained. Til they are all in school." And on and on.
All my goals are related to things I need to do. MOPS stuff, home stuff, Tim's business stuff.
Dang, now I gotta go have deep thoughts to catch up. . .
Sorry.
I think that it's so great that we are such amazing women, that we can include the ones we love around us in our goals: our husband, our children, our friends. But it is so important to have realistic personal goals as well. (let's not forget that if we make unrealistic goals and expect to accomplish them, we'll be miserable when we fail to meet those goals) And you, Christine, are one of the bravest and most articulate women I know. You are beautiful, my friend!
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